My beloved project at work got killed. Maar goed (anyhow)… 化悲痛为力量 (turn grief into strength) :D For two days I worked my a** off, and did what I now see is… the most ‘me’ thing in my career so far. My colleagues made really warm remarks when I gave them one-on-one briefings about the instruction, motives and theories. I never actually wrote down compliments I got but hey, I’m proud of what I do and if one day I’m not… I will take a look at these:
It’s so beautiful.
It’s an art.
It’s such a gift.
It gives me a smile.
You are a rare and balanced combination of creativity and structure.
Just looking at it makes me emotional.
I have never seen anything like this in my life.
I like the feeling of the booklet, makes me want to spend time and think deeply.
I saw this on your table and I thought, whoa this is you doing your thing.
You get people to feel, think and act at the same time, people who never do these.
What you do is what companies pay huge money for.
You shouldn’t be here at the bank. You should be doing this outside to benefit more people.
Even without working on it, just having this already calms me down, that there is a space for me to process everything.
This is very… you.
This is not two days of rushed work. This is years of your growth coming together.
I know you think if you had more time, you could do 50% better. But that would be 50% too much to me. This is perfect.
You possess the skills we desperately need.
Can you promise me to publish it?
You will inspire hundreds of students.
After finishing it, I’ll put it on my bookshelf to remember the days working with you.
You’re a special thing. From the first day we met I knew you would publish a book, give a TED talk or something.
I told everyone ‘This is for you only, and by default not to be shared. It is not for me, for the project, or for the bank. I’m always willing to talk about it if you come to me, but I will never ask you about what you fill in, as shouldn’t anyone.‘ This way I went as far as possible in making it a safe space. Some of them do come to me after filling the booklet in… and to me, that is the ultimate compliment, that they share a little of their safe space with me :)
I genuinely enjoyed every step.
The clarity has been invaluable and has wonderfully wrapped up this chapter for me.
Your creativity and dedication truly shine through.
Whenever I get asked where this commitment comes from, I say ‘This is my love for all of you and the project.‘
Talking it through with my colleagues helped me greatly too. And here comes my closure on the project: If all my work in a year enabled one transaction, that helped someone have a proper meal, or pay a bill that kept him/her awake at night, it would mean the world to me, and everything I did was worth it. And I know my work did.
Sure it still hurts to think about ‘an abrupt conclusion‘, but I’m growing into a better person from this transition. And here’s a powerful quote from literature that I see as a nice summary of my ideal role in this world: Supporters and enablers model coping attitudes and skills, provide incentives for engagement in beneficial activities, and motivate others by showing that difficulties are surmountable by perseverant effort (Shepherd, D. A., Covin, J. G., & Kuratko, D. F. (2008). Project failure from Corporate Entrepreneurship: Managing the grief process. Journal of Business Venturing, 24(6), 588–600. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jbusvent.2008.01.009).
—[insert deeeeep breath and a smile]—
For some moments, I thought this world had no space for what I loved to do.
I brought my work to Maastricht.
I said to the coordinator: ‘This is raw. This is me, and I know this is good work, but I’m not basing everything on evidence, and I don’t have the opportunity to evaluate. I want to learn and I know I can do so much more than this in my life.’
She said: ‘We will help you. But this rawness… This, is exactly what gives your work temperature. Please be very proud of it. And we need this expertise here.‘
And I discussed it at career coaching.
I said: ‘A colleague said he would add the perspective of letting go in the last chapter. That was a perspective I didn’t have, as I was going full-analytical there. If I had thought about it, I would have given it emphasis in my work.‘
My coach said: ‘Very good that you can capture it from your colleague. But I want to remind you to take small steps, because if you force it in your work when it’s not a natural part of you, people can tell it’s not authentic. And if you want to be a master in a field, you have to first be fully authentic.‘
—[insert another smile]—